So- Oh right, it's Mercy here again- So, today's the twenty-first of March! Man, did I sleep in or what?
Tommy and me got in a big fight because he read what I wrote about his girlfriend. I didn't know Tommy could read or use the Internets. He has a Facebook but that's about it. And once I caught him looking at naked guys, but he said it was an accident, that he'd typed something wrong. He'd kill me if he knew I was talking about him. Wait, here I go again, talking about the band on our website! I guess now that I've typed it in he'll see this too. Dammit!
Because, you know, this was supposed to be sort of a secret website about how we bloomed from a packet of seeds of awesome into God plants of Rock, and then I was going to publish it all and people would worship it and it would become a sort of Bible and then eventually replace the Bible altogether, because it was a more interesting read and also because it would guide people through leading productive and fulfilling lives, sort of like the Bible. But more readable. That was the plan. But, of course Tommy goes right onto Google three days after we started playing together to see if there's anything about us online and this blog is, like, the fifth or sixth hit he gets. Would you believe that the newspaper published an article about us online already! It's sort of really just a little piece about a noise complaint we generated at three on a Saturday night, but the sheriff that came out to shut us down was really cool with it all and he let us off pretty easy. He did take all our beer though and ended up confiscating a baggie from the guy with the green sunglasses, I couldn't tell what it was but it looked like oregano. I asked the guy with the green glasses about it later and he said it was oregano, and then I saw the sheriff later and the sheriff didn't recognize me but he gave the guy with the green sunglasses a pretty dirty look. I don't think the guy with the green sunglasses saw the sheriff though, those sunglasses are really tinted. I wore them when I wrote, "It's a Dark Dark World, a Really Dark World, and Green," because I wrote that song in the middle of the day and it was really bright out and the guy with the green sunglasses had left them nearby. But, that's the only time I ever wore his sunglasses.
Anyway, so Tommy wasn't really happy that I said all those things about his girlfriend, even though I had to remind him which girl I was talking about. So we broke up the band. But, then there were so many requests for us to get back together, and all the suppport we got from our really loyals fans was touching, so we put aside our differences and I told Tommy that I was just joking anyway, that I really wasn't in love with Atalanta. I had to remind him who Atalanta was, again, even though she was standing right behind him, and then we shook and hugged it out. But, don't tell anyone that either, because Tommy only hugs women. He doesn't hug guys, unless it's because the band has just reunited. He's very strict about that, even though I saw him do it at least three times, not including when we hugged out our differences. Atalanta winked at me and said it was really nice that we were friends again and after that I was glad that Tommy and I got over things. Atalanta is our singer now! Tommy said that was the only condition that I'd have to agree to, that she was going to sing if we got the band back together, so he could concentrate on his guitar playing solos. I told him I was cool with that even though I was originally against it, because secretly it means I get to see her a bunch. I was dumb enough to blurt all that out, can you believe it! But he didn't hear me, I don't think. It's hard to hear much when you're busy tuning a guitar amped to about a hundred and twenty decibels
So we played a reunion gig for our loyal fans and she sang in the purest and most angleic voice I've ever heard and it was pretty much just Mom and Evelyn & Daniel's parents and Tommy's dad listening, and they were pretty much just there because they were cooking out on Tommy's dad's grill that night, but they said we sounded good and they were all glad to have us out of the house again. That's so cool that our fan's can't wait to have us back on the road!
Sooo..., Oh, I just got back from breaking into the high school - Badgers Pituitary Creek Middle School - the venue where the big show is coming up! We rigged our homemade fireworks to the inside of the proscenium and there are a whole bunch of them under the gym seats, too. It's going to be the BEST SHOW EVER! Tommy's been really inspired since the band got back together and he's already written a whole song by himself. If you include the song that I wrote, our big number, "Your Mother's a Whore so Let's Kill Everything," which we've changed to, "Your Mother's Not So Bad and Violence is a Fine but Impractical Solution," we have two whole songs to play. It's going to ROCK! But, I'm worried though. Because even though we've put three whole hours into our production and we've practiced each song at least twice, Eddie hasn't been around. We thought maybe he was busy rounding up groupies or securing our first record deal and also our second record deal so we can tear up the first one, or at least printing the shirts we're going to sell for $20 at the concert. But Topher said he saw Eddy driving with Heron Tornado.
Heron Tornado is a pretty good guitar player, I'll give him that, and his band is pretty good too. The bass player, Devlin Annuals, can reach his hand across two frets, and the drummer, Cleatus Giovanni Caeser VII, can even hit more that one drum at a time. And Heron Tornado is a pretty good guitar player, I 'll give him that. He even sings while he plays.
So what is Eddy doing with Heron Tornado when Eddy said he was too busy to help us make up our costumes to get into the gig? I know we have a great show coming up, but I'm a little anxcious, though I don't like to admit it. If Eddie can't take his managing seriously I don't know how we're going to book for the football stadium next week. We're going to book it next week because, by then, our concert will be so legendary and our songs will be such hot singles that the booking guys won't have a choice. The public, demanding to see us, will riot if they can't be sated, and we'll encourage it, and this will threaten to ruin booking guys' careers. Sweet! Our fame is so close I can smell it! We'll be so famous that they'll say, "Famous isn't the right word to describe Mass Produced in a Burrito Factory!" We'll be in-famous, that's how famous we'll be! Yeah, sweet!
